Saddleless!

I have been without my dressage saddle for almost two weeks. And it is driving me crazy!

My instructor uses my saddle for one lesson a week with one of her amateur riders. It fits the horse, and it fits the girl, and it is the only saddle in the barn which meets those two requirements. During a lesson two weeks ago the girl fell off, and somehow the billets on my saddle were ripped. I'm not really sure what happened, but I imagine the girl hung onto the saddle as she was falling and ended up using her entire bodyweight to do this. I really can't figure out any other way they would have broken, as the billets were in pretty good shape. My instructor offered to pay for the repairs and brought it down to a show she was judging in Aiken where there was a repair shop. She's kindly offered to let me use her extra saddle while mine is being repaired.

But I have discovered that I have a bratty princess mode when it comes to saddles. I used her saddle for exactly one ride. It have a steep downward slope towards the pommel, and that, paired with my more than sufficiently padded ass, means that I have to lean WAY back in order to put my back at the correct angle. And that hurts my lower back. It hurts enough that I had trouble getting out of bed the next morning because I was having twinges and soreness. Soreness I can handle, but back twinges are another matter.

And I can't help but think this is my fault. I have always had a weak lower back, and ever since puberty I have had ridiculous boobs. There was pain, but as I have gotten heavier my lower back pain has become less of an minor inconvenience and more of a major problem. I am simply heavy enough that it is affecting my quality of life.

And I have not done anything to fix that in the past month or so.

I need help finding motivation. I get up, go to work, go ride, and by the time I get home I am starving and want to eat, not run. If I am not starving I want to sit around and do nothing. I have to figure something else out.