One of my best friends (K) got engaged this weekend, and my other best friend's (R) younger brother also got engaged. These two girls are probably my closest friends. I have known both of these girls since I was in middle school, and R's younger brother was always around, though he and I are not particularly close compared to some of my other childhood friend's siblings. R got married a little over a year ago, and she's currently expecting. A mutual friend (B) just got married last weekend and is also pregnant. Another close friend of mine is currently freaking out about attending her 10 year reunion in the summer. She graduated from high school a year before I did.
I am not interested in being engaged at the moment, I do not want children, and yet I still feel kind of like a failure.
I really expected to be out of South Carolina by now. I have good reason to stay - my long term boyfriend (who really needs an initial here - I dub thee C) is in school to get his BA, which is a requirement for work visas in Japan. He has instate tuition here, and with how ridiculously expensive college has become in the US during the last ten years or so, spending more than absolutely necessary for a undergraduate degree seems shortsighted especially in light of my too large law school loan debt. Going to Japan without C being able to work would be financially disastrous, so we pretty much have to wait for him to graduate. His school is not being particularly helpful in giving me a timeline, though, since they can't guarantee him a spot in required classes during any given semester.
I am very anxious to leave. I think I have stayed here almost two years too long as it is. If I had a definite exit date I would probably be much happier, but as it is we are unlikely to know for sure until the fall.
Which brings me back to feeling like I'm treading water. My goals are very different than those of my friends, but the fact of the matter is they seem to be achieving their life goals while I am waiting to make mine happen. Well, I'm actually working toward it, but it feels like I am not making any progress. The problem is that I am not sure how much progress I will have made a year from now. I don't know if I will have an exit date, because so much is not up to me. I am a certified control freak, so this is tough.
So, to make myself feel like less of an abject failure, here are the things I have achieved that will help me get to Japan:
- I am closing on a refinance this week that will allow me to cover all condo expenses with the rental income when I leave. That's everything including HOA fees (which I thought I would have to pay out of pocket).
- I have paid off all but one of my credit cards.
- My savings account has hit 20% of what I need to go to Japan.
- Save the other 80% of what I need to go to Japan.
- Wait for C to graduate.
- Pay off that last credit card.
- Lose 35 pounds. (Ok, so this probably isn't a requirement to get to Japan, but it is something I have been working hard on lately.)
OCD? What's that?